Emigrating From Dependence to Independence

An Interview

By Naya Lee

I have always known my grandmother as a kind, caring woman who spoiled me and my brother with her time, love, and signature Korean food. But I had never consciously considered her life before being my grandma. She was a mother who immigrated to America so her husband could pursue his MBA. She and my grandpa worked tirelessly to earn money to pay rent and buy food. This is the story of a hardworking Korean immigrant’s move to the busy New York environment, of her hopes and dreams, and of how other people kept her motivated. 

Why did you decide to emigrate from Korea to America? 

Haraboji [Grandfather] was going to continue his studies in America, studying for his MBA. 

What was the hardest thing to get used to in America? 

It was the language. 

How did that affect your daily life?

There's anxiety in every interaction. Once, we went to Kmart to get a camera. They didn't understand what we were saying. 

How was the New York environment different from the South Korean one? 

When I grew up in Korea, it was after the Korean War, and Korea was very poor. We had to work very hard. Korea is a very small country and does not have many natural resources, so they invested in the people. 

Korea is a very interdependent country. Living harmoniously with your family, your community, and your friends is important. Tightly bonded relationships are major. There is a very strong family value and work ethic. There’s not much personal space there, and there are certain expectations you need to meet. For example, there's an expectation about the relationship between parents and their children, and if you violate that norm, you will be shamed. It’s a very close-knit society and community, in contrast to America. Here, independence is more emphasized. We can have a little more personal space, which I like. 

How did your financial situation change when you came to New York? 

We didn't have much money. We came here with our savings. Our parents helped us a lot. Back then, it was more expensive to live in America. But Haraboji [Grandfather] and I prioritized our savings. We just had to pay the rent and for food. And of course, we had a baby, your father. So we didn't have much money, but we were not short of money, either. We had enough for rent and food. 

How did the emigration from Korea to America influence who you are today? 

A strong work ethic is very important. A strong work and family ethic has influenced me a lot. When we grew up, working from seven to eleven was normal. It was a virtue. Here, that’s criticized; you’re a workaholic if you do that. But in Korea, that is expected. We had to work like that to rise above poverty as a nation. That work ethic is why Korea's economic development was a miracle. The economy is almost in the top six now. Korean immigrants brought that work ethic here to America, and they still work for long hours. 

Growing up, what were some of the pressures that were put on you? 

The pressure was to study hard. There was an entrance exam at most stages of the academic journey. I took an entrance exam before middle school, high school, and college. All of those exams were very high-pressure. 

What was your favorite part of school when you were younger? 

In middle school and high school, I was on the radio stage. I worked for the radio station club, so I was an anchor, announcer, or DJ. I played Elvis Presley's music, Windows, all this stuff. The whole campus would hear my voice and the music, so that was very fun. I was also on the drama team. I really loved my youth club at church. They were very good friends of mine and still are. We did a lot of fun things together: retreats, ice skating, and weekly youth group meetings. All those experiences built my confidence and created good memories. 

Who is one figure who influenced you greatly in childhood? 

My grandmother. She is the one who had a great influence on me because she was a woman of faith. She didn't have a lot of education because women didn’t attend school when she was young. But she was such a wise person. She was full of love, especially for me. She prayed three times a day. In the evening, I would join her in her devotion, where she prayed for all of our family members. I was three or four years old. She would doze off while she was praying, and I would say, “Grandma, Grandma.” And then she would continue to pray. I was such a little child, but that is my most cherished memory now. After we came to the U.S., my grandmother missed us so much; she would see the pictures of us and talk to them. 

What keeps you excited as you age? 

You have more wisdom and revelation as you get older. I'm 70 years old, and I’ve experienced a lot. When we see Janie [my younger cousin], everything is exciting for her, right? There are many discoveries to make. I know much more, but there are still a lot of things that I don't know. Though most of the things aren’t exciting, there’s still a discovery I can make every day. That makes me excited. 

What is something that you're most proud of in life? 

I think I did my best. I poured my heart into things. I'm very proud of my family, too. They are all hardworking and faithful, and I'm so grateful.

Who do you most look up to at this moment? 

Jesus. Not the person I see in everyday life, physically, but spiritually. When I have quiet time, when I read the scripture and pray, he comes alive and becomes so real to me. All his words really guide me, influence me, and encourage me.

What is one of the most valuable life lessons that you've learned so far?

Know what God's purpose is for your life. That relates to your identity and your purpose. Whatever comes to you, if you have a clear purpose, you will not be shaken. 

How did you learn that? 

Through trial and error, the scriptures, and prayer. If you do not know what your purpose in life is, you're not going to have fun. You're going to have a lot of questions. You can make a lot of mistakes. You can make foolish decisions if you do not know who you are. You may hang with the wrong crowd to be accepted by them, then follow the things they do. It's not easy to find your purpose. You may still have questions about it. It may take time to seek it. But the sooner you know, the better your life will be. 

If there was one message you'd like to share with the world, what would it be? 

Love Jesus, and know how much God loves you, no matter your sins. God is very gracious. You may face a lot of challenges in life, but there's nothing that you cannot overcome with Jesus. Jesus is always with you. I learned you can be scared, but through faith, you can have peace. Most times, we do not understand this truth. Instead, focus on the problem, and that only creates fear.